IWSG July Blog: The emotions that walk with the idea

A Doorway Back to Forever: Believe is not a book series. It is an idea, a brand. It is not about getting a book out there. It’s about changing people’s lives. I’m waiting for a final edit before I submit it for publication. While I wait, I must respectfully give a nod to the emotions that have walked with me through the process.

Tired, but not conquered. Having an emotional relationship with an idea is every bit as tiring as a relationship with a real person—it requires work, give and take, you get hurt as much as you receive joy, and yet you still hang on. I’m tired after all these years of study and growth. It’s been like going back to college where you take class after class, not knowing if you’re getting passing grades until graduation. I’ve made four giant overhauls of the book and developed the idea to a greater degree than I even imagined. I see five to seven books in the series, supplemental books on the symbolism and gospel connections, motivational speaking engagements, multi-media entertainment—all within the parameters of missionary work. It’s become who I am. There’s no backing out of the doorway now—I have the courage to believe.

Angry, yet forgiving. I’ve had to disassociate myself from family members who have denigrated me for my religious choices. It is overwhelmingly difficult to deal with, since family is so important to me as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But it was necessary for my emotional survival. I am weak in that respect. I hurt, I cry, I feel so alone. Being in a denigrating environment was destructive to who I was, to the idea growing inside me. Yet one day my nieces and nephews will know I love them. Perhaps their own magic-sense will be rekindled and they will step through the doorway to discover more about who they are—and maybe they’ll find me waiting for them. 

Overwhelmed but focused. Emotional roller coasters can be overwhelming. I’ve needed time to withdraw and recuperate. One thing I’ve rediscovered is my love for Star Trek, the original series. Quite by accident, I stumbled upon Star Trek Continues, a web series that recreates the original series to a tee. Its purpose is to continue where the original left off, finishing the five year mission. The passion behind this series is amazing. The accuracy is brilliant, down to the details of the ship, the uniforms, and even the background music. The creators understood the intent of Gene Roddenberry so thoroughly, I believe he is channeled through each episode. In watching it, I’ve rekindled my love for Star Trek TOS and started watching the old series again too. It’s led me to a discovery—Star Trek was my saving grace at the age of Robyn and Kit in Doorway. It carried me through times of deep sorrow and loneliness. It was not just a TV series—it was an idea. The idea that mankind can overcome the evils of his nature, join together as a race, and explore the galaxy. I developed confidence and security through this vision. It was my gospel before I discovered the gospel. I personally wish to thank Gene Roddenberry when I see him on the other side of the doorway.

Compelled and driven. My book, to me, is like Star Trek was to Gene Roddenberry—an idea, a vision, a lifeline to those who will need it. I am compelled to finish it and to market it for what it is so that others may find a reason to hope.

I thank the Insecure Writer's Support Group IWSG, for giving me inspiration to get this far.